From Darkness to Light: My World Mental Health Day Reflection

 There is no "Sound Body" without a "Sound Mind" - Here is my story of mental health recovery where I will be embracing vulnerability & breaking the silence

"Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions." - Dalai Lama

I can't remember the exact date, but it was a Monday morning. It was before the pandemic. It was winter. I had a routine. Wake up, eat a banana, cycle to work (use the gym) have a shower, eat my porridge and start work at 8:30am (there was a call every Monday at 08:30am)

I never made that call. I never ate my banana. I woke up. Told the household I was going to work from home until lunchtime as I needed to concentrate, sometimes being in the office was more distracting and as soon as I heard the door shut, I climbed back into bed and cried. I just sobbed uncontrollably.

Depression is a complex mental health condition that can manifest in various ways, and everyone can experience it differently. That day, from nowhere, I was hit with extreme tiredness, severe irritability (mainly with myself) and an overwhelming sense of guilt, & feeling of being worthless. The tunnel was dark. There was not much coal left in the steam strain. As I muddle through the day job I kept saying to myself "man the hell up Dan" but these thoughts and feelings stuck, hidden by my smile to the outside world, until BAM, the lights went out and the chimp on my shoulder planted the seed that 'the world would be a better place without me' - as I write this in retrospect I still get shaky and teary, if you need to pause reading this, or any other time in life, look up at the sky with a deep breath, and smile. 

For about 48 hours, I suffered, and yes it was a suffering with intense suicidal thoughts. Still to this day nobody around me suspected anything to this point. I didn't want to die, but it felt the happiest and safest place to be. This is a very sensitive and triggering subject, I needed help but didn't know who or where to go, I was ashamed and embarrassed, why was I suffering? why wasn't I strong enough to get through it? Somebody forced me to ask for help the next day. I saw a doctor on the same day, I was in crisis. I had to wait for a solution; Group CBT. After my first session, I cried some more, I knew that wasn't the solution for me, but I completed my homework for the second week and decided to explore other options. 

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." - Buddha

I cannot remember the ladies name, but I was so excited to start my counselling/therapy journey, I rocked up to my first session think I would be Mr.Chatterbox but in actual fact I spent the whole 90 minutes in floods of tears. I am a sensitive soul, but the tears where probably a mixture of sadness and happiness that this all might be over. Fast Forward 8x90minutes sessions, I did become Mr.Chatterbox and I would walk out of each session feeling a little bit lighter, they were roughly 10 days apart so a period of 80 days and on my very last session I thought I would be floating but that morning I lost a close friend to cancer. This knocked me for six as he was a bloody anchor in my life when I first confided with him about my poor mental-health, so I extended my therapy for another 4 sessions but only 60 minutes. 

I am not proud of this story, or personal journey, but what I am is passionate about sharing it so that others see there is hope, and at no point should you give up. 

Since therapy, life has been a whirlwind, and my mental health is a rollercoaster. I have this deep awareness of what a bad day looks like, and I carry a little (maybe large) mental health first aid kit with me at all times. Starting with the basics NHS - Wellbeing I try to follow the 5 ways of well-being each day. We have very busy lives and we might miss a day but on the whole this really does work. Exercise is by far the biggest pouch in my mental health first aid kit and is my favourite. I discovered running after therapy, before changing career to be a firefighter. I have never been a runner. In 2019 I entered my first race, wearing a cotton t-shirt and swim shorts. Since then I have discovered like-minded communities that have become family. Giving my time to volunteer at Run Talk Run or Parkrun, seeing everyone succeed fills me with joy, pacing duties with my FrontRunner team mates, sharing that common goal "Anima Sana In Corpore Sano" discovering my own physical and mental limitations completing multi-day ultra-marathons, makes me feel alive.

It's important to note that depression can vary in severity, and not everyone with depression will experience all of these symptoms. Additionally, depression can co-occur with other mental health conditions, further complicating the picture. If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of depression, it's essential to reach out to a mental health professional for diagnosis and appropriate treatment. Depression is a treatable and liveable condition, and many people find relief and support through therapy, medication, or a combination of both. 

Self-help techniques for improving mental health can be effective in managing stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. Here are some common self-help techniques and strategies:

Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation in heated or ice environments, can help you stay present, reduce stress, and manage anxiety.

Physical Activity: Regular exercise has numerous mental health benefits. It can reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, improve mood, and boost self-esteem. Excessive screen time, especially on social media, can contribute to stress and anxiety. Consider taking regular breaks by leaving your phone/watch at home whilst running, or gymming.

Adequate Sleep: Prioritise getting enough sleep each night. Quality sleep is crucial for mental health and overall well-being.

Establish a Routine: Creating a daily schedule can provide structure and stability, especially if you're dealing with depression or anxiety. Break down your day into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate your accomplishments along the way. Through some goals to aim for along the way. 

Peer Support: Reach out to friends and loved ones. Connecting with others and sharing your thoughts and feelings can provide emotional support. This includes groups like Andy's Man Club and Run Talk Run.

Journaling: Keeping a journal can help you identify and process your thoughts and emotions. It can also track patterns and triggers for negative feelings. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Avoid self-criticism and negative self-talk. Write down one daily compliment to yourself in your journal. 

Engage in Relaxing Hobbies: Activities such as reading, art, listening to music, or spending time in nature can promote relaxation and reduce stress. Identify and reduce sources of stress in your life. Sometimes, it may involve setting boundaries or making necessary life changes to prioritise you.

Stay Informed & Seek Help: Educate yourself about your mental health condition or the challenges you're facing. Knowledge can empower you to seek appropriate help and resources. If your mental health concerns persist or worsen, don't hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapy, counseling, or medication may be necessary.

"The purpose of our lives is to be happy." - Dilai Lama

Make your bed; While making your bed may seem like a small and inconsequential task, it can contribute to a positive start to your day, which can have a ripple effect on your overall mental well-being. If the rest of your day crumbles you know you have a freshly made bed to return to which you made. "Never give up" - Dan x